• TNB: Climbing's Big Mistake
  • TNB: Trad Dads and Dad Bods
  • TNB: Do the Right Thing
  • TNB: Big Wall Soloing Sustenance – Cookies vs. Bugs
  • TNB: When Your Rope Falls Off—and 5 Ways to Prevent the Nightmare
  • TNB: Before I Die - What Would Climbers Think?
  • TNB: Raphael Slawinski - Firsthand Account of Everest Earthquake
  • TNB: Point Break - Sharma, Andrada on the Big Screen
  • TNB: Muscle Shoals - Rock and Soul
  • TNB: Naked Soloist is Saner Than Me
  • TNB: The Hard Climb to Heaven
  • TNB: Summer Camp
  • TNB: Suicide in Our Sights
  • TNB: Ethan Pringle's 10 Tips for Sending Your Project
  • TNB: Hawaii Rocks - Totally Aloha
  • TNB: PointGate - Why Comp Climbing Is Not The Future
  • TNB: My First Epic
  • TNB: Eight Ways to Avoid Braking Bad - The Art of the Soft Catch
  • TNB: #Dawnwall and The Creation of Alex Honnlove
  • TNB: Vision Quest - Benji Fink and Mexico’s Steepest Big Wall
  • TNB: The New Dawn (Wall) of Climbing
  • TNB: The Top 5 Weekend Whippers of 2014 (Plus the Comments)
  • TNB: 10 Tips for Jolene Kay, Professional Climber (and Hot Actress)
  • TNB: The Story Behind the Craziest of Rescues
  • TNB: The Risk of Climbing
  • TNB: How to Get Stronger by Doing Nothing for 5 Minutes a Day
  • TNB: Eight Ways to Improve Your Footwork
  • TNB: In Praise of the Weekend Warrior
  • TNB: Joe Kinder Visits the World's Hardest Cave
  • TNB: Celebrating Insomnia in Chamonix
  • TNB: Run, Rabbit - Hermann Gollner, 71, Cranks Pump-O-Rama (5.13a)
  • TNB: Five Best Photos of 2014
  • TNB: Clip Like A Pro - 5 Tips from Sasha DiGiulian and Sean McColl
  • TNB: Five Things Every Gym Climber Must Know About Climbing Outside
  • TNB: Still Jeff Lowe
  • TNB: Moving Over Stone With Doug Robinson
  • TNB: Wheels Up—The Top 5 Climbing Rigs
  • TNB: Is K2 The New Everest?
  • TNB: Things—Besides Us, That Is—That Fall
  • TNB: When Homemade Gear Works, Sorta
  • TNB: The Outsiders
  • TNB: R.I.P. Homero Gutierrez Villarreal - The Padrino of El Potrero
  • TNB: A Short Talk with Sierra Blair-Coyle
  • TNB: Ian Dory, Ninja, or The Craziest Thing I Ever Seen
  • TNB: The Best Crag Dogs of All Time
  • TNB: 5 Ways to Make People Love Your Routes
  • TNB: Hudon and Jones, and Don't Forget It!
  • TNB: Climbing's Tribal Rites
  • TNB: Sasha DiGiulian and Alex Johnson On How to Be a Modern Pro
  • TNB: Is Dean Potter A Bad Father?
  • TNB: Silly Places We’ve Slept - Tales of Unplanned Bivies
  • TNB: Forgotten Hero - Frank Sacherer 1940-1978
  • TNB: The World-Class Weekend Warrior – Martin Keller Climbs V15
  • TNB: Everest Sherpas No Longer Willing to “Grin and Bear It”
  • TNB: Hardheaded Helmet Lesson Learned
  • TNB: Six Most Awesome Jobs for Climbers
  • TNB: The Coolest Climbing Deal Breaker
  • TNB: Sharma and Glowacz Send World’s Steepest Rock Climb
  • TNB: An Encounter with a Legend - Patrick Edlinger, Plus A Whipper Vid
  • TNB: Six Things Every Climber Should Do Before They Die
  • TNB: Falling from the Top
  • TNB: Weekend Whipper
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  • TNB: Charlie Porter, We Hardly Knew You
  • TNB: Climbing's Greatest Route Names
  • TNB: Hot Women Die and Have Sex on Everest
  • TNB: The Great Tragedy at Carderock
  • TNB: Thoughts On Death, and Last Words
  • TNB: Climbing's Next Big Story
  • TNB: Next Level? Honnold Pushes the Game on El Sendero Luminoso
  • TNB: Jeff Lowe Invented the Sport
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  • TNB: If Ondra Isn't The Best Climber In The World, Who Is?
  • TNB: Storm Years or Typhoon? The Biggest Issue in Climbing
  • TNB: Jim Bridwell Speaks
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  • TNB: Death on Forbidden Peak - Was the NPS Complicit?
  • TNB: Ice Climbing Goes to Sochi Olympics
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  • TNB: 8a.nu: The Best Climber in the World is the One with the Most Points
  • TNB: Shutdown: Illegal Climbers in Yosemite—Ninjas or Criminals?
  • TNB: Who is the Best Climber in the World?
  • TNB: The New Courage in a Rucksack
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  • TNB: Super Unknown - Austin Dark Horse Establishes 5.14d in Random Texas Cave
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  • TNB: Honnold's Achilles' Heel
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  • TNB: Metro-Pointing
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  • Video Spotlight
    The Full Send Footage of Ethan Pringle's Jumbo Love (5.15b) Ascent
    The Full Send Footage of Ethan Pringle's Jumbo Love (5.15b) Ascent
    Whipper of the Month
    Weekend Whipper: Alastair McDowell's Los Indignados (M7) Screamer
    Weekend Whipper: Alastair McDowell's Los Indignados (M7) Screamer
     



    TNB: 10 Tips for Jolene Kay, Professional Climber (and Hot Actress)

    22-Dec-2014
    By

    Jolene Kay. "Professional Rock Climber."There are a lot of climbing videos out there these days and, as an editor of a climbing magazine I get to see most of the noteworthy ones. The films I remember vary from shaky, hand-held records of significant first ascents to well-produced vids of pros pulling down classics in areas I’d like to visit. Like most climbers, I watch climbing films to get inspired, but occasionally someone (usually Andrew Bisharat) will share a video that grabs my attention for another reason.

    Such is the case with the short film below, which rockandice.com editor Mississippi Chris Parker sent me recently. “Jolene Kay: Rock Climber” is a high production short that shows an actress leaping and dancing her way up and around some sandstone cliffs that look a lot like Malibu Creek, California. Kay is a VERY attractive woman and she looks great as she pretends to be a climber and I applaud her acting in this film, and I think she has a great career ahead of her. Apparently she’s already appeared in TV shows and in the 2009 Star Trek movie. She does not, however, quite pull off the role of “professional rock climber,” a moniker that appears at the end of the credits in “Jolene Kay: Rock Climber,” (along with the claim that no rocks were harmed in the filming of the video and the disturbing news that Jolene badly banged her knee. I hope your knee is better, Jolene.)

    Because Ms. Kay has so much … potential, I’ve watched this video, like, 100 times, and I’ve come up with some feedback for Jolene Kay, so that she can better impersonate a real professional rock climber next time she’s called on to play one on the silver screen.

    Check out the video below and see if these tips resonate with you and feel free to add your own advice for Jolene Kay, cause I have the feeling she’s a really nice person and might even like me.

     

     

    10 Tips for Jolene Kay

    1) Never allow yourself to be filmed top roping. Professional rock climbers only lead (or in the case of the piss-easy slab you’re climbing, solo). Top roping makes one appear, well, lame and real pro climbers are simply too badass to TR. Just sayin’.

    2) Shorten up those slings! If you’re gonna dance, run and cavort near the edge of a cliff, please learn to make a trad draw so that a sling doesn’t wrap around your knee or foot and send you to your death, or worse, damage that smoking hot body of yours. That would be awful.

    3) Don’t run and dance around at the edge of a cliff. Duh.

    4) Was the dyno at 30 seconds necessary? I didn’t think so. A real pro climber will climb efficiently (unless there’s a photographer present in which case a pro climber will do just about anything from stripping to dynoing, so, never mind number 4 … )

    5) The excessive chalk usage at 40 seconds is appalling. A professional climber would never waste that much chalk. One never knows when he will need all his chalk to draw a six-foot ticker to the lip hold on Right Martini (V12).

    6) At 50 seconds you employ a strange racking system. I appreciate the passion you put into organizing your gear, but a pro climber would simply SHORTEN UP THOSE SLINGS and clip them to her harness.

    7) Around a minute into the video you recklessly rush the edge of the cliff. It just makes me worried.

    8) At 1:14—Dab!

    9) 1:30. For God’s sake, shorten those slings Jolene! I’m amazed and thankful that the only thing you injured was your knee.

    10) 2:20. Who’s Phil? Cause I hate him.

     

    Happy Holidays, climbers! From your friends at Rock and Ice.

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