How To Jump Off A Mountain Like A Badass
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How to jump off a mountain like a badass (please don’t actually do this):
PROPER ATTIRE
- Wear jeans and a leather bomber jacket without base layers, and keep jacket halfway unzipped.
- No helmet, because that would ruin the badassery.
- No Crampons either (necessary for bonus points, see below).
- But sunglasses are okay.
GEAR
- Wear a harness waistbelt (without leg loops), backwards.
- Use technical ice tools, meant for dry tooling, and rack them backwards on backwards harness (so actually forwards).
- Coil rope on back in some mysterious, badass way.
JUMP
- Backflip off cliff. You must backflip.
- Freefall for a badass amount of time, then swing tools into snow patch.
- When that doesn’t work, try swinging into water ice.
- When that doesn’t work, underhand swing into rock cave.
- Stick it.
- Hang for a moment, to let badassery sink in with buddies.
BONUS POINTS
When you’ve already self arrested, but your army buddies are still watching, you might as well jump off again. This time, instead of a double tool
self arrest, try using your rope and an ice tool as a grappling hook. Steps:
- Once suspense builds to badass level, swing to gain momentum and backflip again. You must backflip.
- While in air, rack one tool.
- While in air, clip second tool to biner on rope coil.
- Do a few badass spins to uncoil rope.
- Toss tool where it will stick.
- Don’t worry: Mysterious, badass rope coil will uncoil on its own, but don’t forget to grab hand loops at end.
- At the end of your rope, swing back and forth a few times and then jump onto nicely angled snow ramp, and boot glissade.
- When cliff band breaks, jump across.
- Speed scramble down cliff.
- Once at tree height, jump into branches.
- Spray buddies with snow.