How To Jump Off A Mountain Like A Badass
How to jump off a mountain like a badass (please don’t actually do this):
- Wear jeans and a leather bomber jacket without base layers, and keep jacket halfway unzipped.
- No helmet, because that would ruin the badassery.
- No Crampons either (necessary for bonus points, see below).
- But sunglasses are okay.
- Wear a harness waistbelt (without leg loops), backwards.
- Use technical ice tools, meant for dry tooling, and rack them backwards on backwards harness (so actually forwards).
- Coil rope on back in some mysterious, badass way.
- Backflip off cliff. You must backflip.
- Freefall for a badass amount of time, then swing tools into snow patch.
- When that doesn’t work, try swinging into water ice.
- When that doesn’t work, underhand swing into rock cave.
- Stick it.
- Hang for a moment, to let badassery sink in with buddies.
When you’ve already self arrested, but your army buddies are still watching, you might as well jump off again. This time, instead of a double tool
self arrest, try using your rope and an ice tool as a grappling hook. Steps:
- Once suspense builds to badass level, swing to gain momentum and backflip again. You must backflip.
- While in air, rack one tool.
- While in air, clip second tool to biner on rope coil.
- Do a few badass spins to uncoil rope.
- Toss tool where it will stick.
- Don’t worry: Mysterious, badass rope coil will uncoil on its own, but don’t forget to grab hand loops at end.
- At the end of your rope, swing back and forth a few times and then jump onto nicely angled snow ramp, and boot glissade.
- When cliff band breaks, jump across.
- Speed scramble down cliff.
- Once at tree height, jump into branches.
- Spray buddies with snow.